The Googly eyed big bosses of the NBA

This post is dedicated to SportyMcSports.

So I’m here today to do some research as to why there are an overwhelming number of googly eyed or bug eyed players in the NBA. Does it help them succeed? Does it help them bring all the boys to the yard? Who knows? One thing I do know is that before I can go any further with this study that it is important to define what it is that I mean when I say googly eyed so what better place to get a definition than from Urban Dictionary?

There were several different definitions but I thought the one that served our purpose best was this one:

Googly Eyed – Human eyes that protrude from the skull in a manner similar to a frog or a fish. This gives the freakish human an increased field of view, double that of a normal person. This strange feature often results in severe rejection by the opposite sex.

Example: My roomate has repulsive googly eyes; I get scared when I see them shine in the dark.
Dwyane Wade
What sparked this interest in googly eyed players in the NBA? This picture of Dwyane Wade:

 Dwyane Wade…where do I start? I mean all around an amazing player. MVP of the Finals, great PPG average although be it a little too many fouls but otherwise an exceptional NBA star. Maybe those bug eyes do help?

1 Finals MVP Award 2006

1 NBA All Star Game MVP 2010

And some medals from the Olympics

Lead the Heat to their FIRST NBA Championship

I mean after watching this episode I think Wade may have his OWN obsession with EYES. I got really excited when I started watching it because I thought he could play the piano but…yeah…

Even the shirt he’s wearing in the video has weird eyes to it. Wade’s subconscious coming out?

Wait…did THIS surgery make him MORE googly eyed? Is that even possible?

That way he can see EVEN more of EVERYTHING? Right? That’s how it works right?

I don’t know about the “rejection by the opposite sex” based on the sole fact that we are talking about NBA players here. I’m sure even Luke Walton has his groupie days. EW…EW…god I hope not though.

Although, D-Wade’s (estranged) wife has had a tendency of being a little…off? Not only was she arrested but now she’s suing D-Wade’s girlfriend? Weird.

In my opinion, Gabrielle Union is MUCH prettier (and younger) than Siohvaughn Wade anyways.

I rather have her instead of…

her. Plus this bitch is seriously crazy. I accidentally came upon an article titled “Siohvaughn’s 9th Divorce Lawyer Quits”. Uh…is that even possible? Really? I feel bad for those kids, that’s whats up.

 His bug eyes missed with Siohvaughn but at least they caught sight of Gabrielle. I wonder if that has anything to do with his Lasik eye surgery…Hmmm…you never know! That’s 1 out of 2 for Wade. 50% success rate. Sounds about right.

Next.

Tim Duncan

4 time NBA Champion

2 time NBA MVP

3 time NBA Finals MVP

This man has gone it DOWN! He was the Round 1 Pick 1 of 1997 and he’s had an incredible career since then!

But why is it when I type in ‘Tim Duncan eye’ on Google Images I just get pictures of Steve Nash? Weird.

But no one has more googly bug eyes than Duncan, I mean look at the dude. Every picture I see of him is him with some outrageous expression and eyes about to pop out of their sockets…either dad or he looks like a sad dog.

Dude, Call me!

Remember that time when Raymond Felton poked Duncan in the eye? Man was he hurting! He couldn’t even BEGIN to stop Amare!

Hmmm but Duncan rarely gets fouls so I guess we can cross that out as being related to the googly eyed syndrome.

And Tim Duncan’s wife Amy is pretty cute. They’re college sweethearts which is cool.

How’d that last lines of Kanye’s Gold Digger go?

“I know his dude’s balling but yeah that’s nice
And they gone keep calling and trying
But you stay right girl
But when you get on he leave your ass for a white girl”

Hahaha.

Next.

Steve Nash

Even with one eye you can tell that they’re googly as hell.

No Championship rings but 2 consecutive Finals MVP awards

BUT it takes certain skills to make shots with only one eye.

Some of the Suns players try to do the same with an eye patch but fail. It’s scary looking at Steve Nash when he’s talking though…his eyes…it’s like they have a mind of their own.

Even does a layup over Duncan at the Playoffs with his eye injury. He’s a fighter all right.

But Steve Nash’s wife was not only ugly but a dirty ass hoe too. You KNOW that ain’t your baby when he’s not even the same color as you…It doesn’t matter because she has a man jaw anyways. She looks like a horse.

Did someone ask for a talking horse? Mister Ed is ALL the talking horse this girl needs.

What a weird coincidence…His wife cheated on him with Jason Richardson (his former teammate) and now Nash’s new girlfriend is named Brittany Richardson. Small world I guess. (No relation though…aw shucks!) Go Steve Nash for snagging someone half his age.

Maybe there IS something to this theory. I see some things coming together. Now if only his googly eye could help him finally win one for the Suns my research would be near perfection! But alas…that is not the case…at least not at the rate the Suns are moving at now.

Who are we at now? Sporty said Kobe has googly eyes but I don’t know about that…I mean he does sometimes and other times he really doesn’t. Plus I’ve already written about him once today. One mention a day is enough for Kobe.

Next.

Tracy McGrady aka T-Mac!

Look at those big lazy puppy dog eyes…

No MVP awards or Championship rings but this dude is an all time high scorer. Come on, who doesn’t love T-Mac? Is the leading scorer, among all active players, for post season scoring and he’s 4th of all time. Not bad… yeah he couldn’t lead his teams out of the first round of playoffs but he’s a lot better than most of what the NBA is made up off *cough* Luke Walton *cough* …but he’s getting old too.

I’m so happy I got to see him a few weeks back.

I found a clip of T-Mac poking Nicolas Batum in the eye…hahaha

But the sad thing is coach Larry Drew of the Hawks is cutting back his playing time as the games go on. Poor T-Mac. Sometimes he’s only playing about 4 minutes a game. This is TMAC we’re talking about. Maybe he could’ve helped the Hawks win that game I went to against the Clippers… even he said it was a bunch of shit.

I found a great clip of him making a game ending 3 pointer and at the end of the clip they have a close up of his eyes…he’s just owning that shit right there!

And apparently his wife is on Basketball Wives. I never watch that shit so I have no idea. Who gives a fuck about some dimpy NBA wives? I have no idea where some people come up with these show ideas.

Meh. What can I say? They have the same…eyes? Hahaha. I think he could’ve done better to be honest.

Dwight Howard sometimes gets it but usually he’s normal…

Next.

Ron Artest
I AM NOT CALLING HIM METTA WORLD PEACE kthnx.

Do I have to talk about him? Can’t we just trade him somewhere…far far away? Please?

I mean he’s a cool eye…I’ve seen him do stand up, I’m seen him give personal friends free tickets to Lakers games and stuff but ugh…I want the Lakers to actually win another Championship if at all possible.

I couldn’t find anything on his condition, no not being bipolar…I found TONS of stuff on that, his other condition (his eyes) so I’m just going to entertain you guys with this video of Jimmy Kimmel playing a prank on Artest.

Obviously it’s not THAT good of a prank because then otherwise Jimmy Kimmel would be dead.

1 NBA Championship ring (that he sold and auctioned off for charity) and

1 Defensive Player of the Year Award

No way, this bitch is on Basketball Wives too? Ugh…do I HAVE to finish writing this?

He could’ve done better. SHE HAS A TATTOO OF HIS NAME ON HER BOOB? UGH. This woman has NO CLASS.

But we all know Ron Ron gets around…and around…

Wait…Ron Artest was on Dancing with the Stars? Dear LORD! What is going ON with the world? And yes I’ve been living under a giant boulder for a good portion of my life…I’m so tramatized now. I don’t even want to KNOW what any of those shows are about. I’m good with just sticking to the good old NBA.

I give up. I can not look at these ugly broads another second more.

My conclusion? That there might be a link between NBA awesomeness and Googly Eyes BUT that the wide range of view the eyes provide do not, in the long run, help in the process of choosing a significant other. If anything the results are variably mixed.

I think I might have some serious nightmares from all of the googly eyed clips I’ve gone through tonight…

Not a crime to kill an NBA All Star Zombie during the apocalypse! Although…that WOULD be quite challenging to accomplish. Maybe I can wait for the Resident Evil crows to come peck everyone’s eyes out so it won’t be as creepy. I wonder if I could outrun an NBA Zombie…probably not. Thank God for baseball bats to the knee right? I think I’d be doomed without it.

And maybe I’ll cover some other folks but for tonight…this is as far as I’m willing to go. I can only deal with so many fugly chicks in one night when I’m not being paid.

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5 thoughts on “The Googly eyed big bosses of the NBA

  1. Mike Cif says:

    I think Tim Duncan gave Steve Nash that eye during the playoffs. Also, it’s very annoying to watch a Laker game and hear Metta World Peace… how can that guy stand for world peace? Beating the crap out of fans.. yea that’s peaceful.

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