Category Archives: March 2012

The Googly eyed big bosses of the NBA

This post is dedicated to SportyMcSports.

So I’m here today to do some research as to why there are an overwhelming number of googly eyed or bug eyed players in the NBA. Does it help them succeed? Does it help them bring all the boys to the yard? Who knows? One thing I do know is that before I can go any further with this study that it is important to define what it is that I mean when I say googly eyed so what better place to get a definition than from Urban Dictionary?

There were several different definitions but I thought the one that served our purpose best was this one:

Googly Eyed – Human eyes that protrude from the skull in a manner similar to a frog or a fish. This gives the freakish human an increased field of view, double that of a normal person. This strange feature often results in severe rejection by the opposite sex.

Example: My roomate has repulsive googly eyes; I get scared when I see them shine in the dark.
Dwyane Wade
What sparked this interest in googly eyed players in the NBA? This picture of Dwyane Wade:

 Dwyane Wade…where do I start? I mean all around an amazing player. MVP of the Finals, great PPG average although be it a little too many fouls but otherwise an exceptional NBA star. Maybe those bug eyes do help?

1 Finals MVP Award 2006

1 NBA All Star Game MVP 2010

And some medals from the Olympics

Lead the Heat to their FIRST NBA Championship

I mean after watching this episode I think Wade may have his OWN obsession with EYES. I got really excited when I started watching it because I thought he could play the piano but…yeah…

Even the shirt he’s wearing in the video has weird eyes to it. Wade’s subconscious coming out?

Wait…did THIS surgery make him MORE googly eyed? Is that even possible?

That way he can see EVEN more of EVERYTHING? Right? That’s how it works right?

I don’t know about the “rejection by the opposite sex” based on the sole fact that we are talking about NBA players here. I’m sure even Luke Walton has his groupie days. EW…EW…god I hope not though.

Although, D-Wade’s (estranged) wife has had a tendency of being a little…off? Not only was she arrested but now she’s suing D-Wade’s girlfriend? Weird.

In my opinion, Gabrielle Union is MUCH prettier (and younger) than Siohvaughn Wade anyways.

I rather have her instead of…

her. Plus this bitch is seriously crazy. I accidentally came upon an article titled “Siohvaughn’s 9th Divorce Lawyer Quits”. Uh…is that even possible? Really? I feel bad for those kids, that’s whats up.

 His bug eyes missed with Siohvaughn but at least they caught sight of Gabrielle. I wonder if that has anything to do with his Lasik eye surgery…Hmmm…you never know! That’s 1 out of 2 for Wade. 50% success rate. Sounds about right.

Next.

Tim Duncan

4 time NBA Champion

2 time NBA MVP

3 time NBA Finals MVP

This man has gone it DOWN! He was the Round 1 Pick 1 of 1997 and he’s had an incredible career since then!

But why is it when I type in ‘Tim Duncan eye’ on Google Images I just get pictures of Steve Nash? Weird.

But no one has more googly bug eyes than Duncan, I mean look at the dude. Every picture I see of him is him with some outrageous expression and eyes about to pop out of their sockets…either dad or he looks like a sad dog.

Dude, Call me!

Remember that time when Raymond Felton poked Duncan in the eye? Man was he hurting! He couldn’t even BEGIN to stop Amare!

Hmmm but Duncan rarely gets fouls so I guess we can cross that out as being related to the googly eyed syndrome.

And Tim Duncan’s wife Amy is pretty cute. They’re college sweethearts which is cool.

How’d that last lines of Kanye’s Gold Digger go?

“I know his dude’s balling but yeah that’s nice
And they gone keep calling and trying
But you stay right girl
But when you get on he leave your ass for a white girl”

Hahaha.

Next.

Steve Nash

Even with one eye you can tell that they’re googly as hell.

No Championship rings but 2 consecutive Finals MVP awards

BUT it takes certain skills to make shots with only one eye.

Some of the Suns players try to do the same with an eye patch but fail. It’s scary looking at Steve Nash when he’s talking though…his eyes…it’s like they have a mind of their own.

Even does a layup over Duncan at the Playoffs with his eye injury. He’s a fighter all right.

But Steve Nash’s wife was not only ugly but a dirty ass hoe too. You KNOW that ain’t your baby when he’s not even the same color as you…It doesn’t matter because she has a man jaw anyways. She looks like a horse.

Did someone ask for a talking horse? Mister Ed is ALL the talking horse this girl needs.

What a weird coincidence…His wife cheated on him with Jason Richardson (his former teammate) and now Nash’s new girlfriend is named Brittany Richardson. Small world I guess. (No relation though…aw shucks!) Go Steve Nash for snagging someone half his age.

Maybe there IS something to this theory. I see some things coming together. Now if only his googly eye could help him finally win one for the Suns my research would be near perfection! But alas…that is not the case…at least not at the rate the Suns are moving at now.

Who are we at now? Sporty said Kobe has googly eyes but I don’t know about that…I mean he does sometimes and other times he really doesn’t. Plus I’ve already written about him once today. One mention a day is enough for Kobe.

Next.

Tracy McGrady aka T-Mac!

Look at those big lazy puppy dog eyes…

No MVP awards or Championship rings but this dude is an all time high scorer. Come on, who doesn’t love T-Mac? Is the leading scorer, among all active players, for post season scoring and he’s 4th of all time. Not bad… yeah he couldn’t lead his teams out of the first round of playoffs but he’s a lot better than most of what the NBA is made up off *cough* Luke Walton *cough* …but he’s getting old too.

I’m so happy I got to see him a few weeks back.

I found a clip of T-Mac poking Nicolas Batum in the eye…hahaha

But the sad thing is coach Larry Drew of the Hawks is cutting back his playing time as the games go on. Poor T-Mac. Sometimes he’s only playing about 4 minutes a game. This is TMAC we’re talking about. Maybe he could’ve helped the Hawks win that game I went to against the Clippers… even he said it was a bunch of shit.

I found a great clip of him making a game ending 3 pointer and at the end of the clip they have a close up of his eyes…he’s just owning that shit right there!

And apparently his wife is on Basketball Wives. I never watch that shit so I have no idea. Who gives a fuck about some dimpy NBA wives? I have no idea where some people come up with these show ideas.

Meh. What can I say? They have the same…eyes? Hahaha. I think he could’ve done better to be honest.

Dwight Howard sometimes gets it but usually he’s normal…

Next.

Ron Artest
I AM NOT CALLING HIM METTA WORLD PEACE kthnx.

Do I have to talk about him? Can’t we just trade him somewhere…far far away? Please?

I mean he’s a cool eye…I’ve seen him do stand up, I’m seen him give personal friends free tickets to Lakers games and stuff but ugh…I want the Lakers to actually win another Championship if at all possible.

I couldn’t find anything on his condition, no not being bipolar…I found TONS of stuff on that, his other condition (his eyes) so I’m just going to entertain you guys with this video of Jimmy Kimmel playing a prank on Artest.

Obviously it’s not THAT good of a prank because then otherwise Jimmy Kimmel would be dead.

1 NBA Championship ring (that he sold and auctioned off for charity) and

1 Defensive Player of the Year Award

No way, this bitch is on Basketball Wives too? Ugh…do I HAVE to finish writing this?

He could’ve done better. SHE HAS A TATTOO OF HIS NAME ON HER BOOB? UGH. This woman has NO CLASS.

But we all know Ron Ron gets around…and around…

Wait…Ron Artest was on Dancing with the Stars? Dear LORD! What is going ON with the world? And yes I’ve been living under a giant boulder for a good portion of my life…I’m so tramatized now. I don’t even want to KNOW what any of those shows are about. I’m good with just sticking to the good old NBA.

I give up. I can not look at these ugly broads another second more.

My conclusion? That there might be a link between NBA awesomeness and Googly Eyes BUT that the wide range of view the eyes provide do not, in the long run, help in the process of choosing a significant other. If anything the results are variably mixed.

I think I might have some serious nightmares from all of the googly eyed clips I’ve gone through tonight…

Not a crime to kill an NBA All Star Zombie during the apocalypse! Although…that WOULD be quite challenging to accomplish. Maybe I can wait for the Resident Evil crows to come peck everyone’s eyes out so it won’t be as creepy. I wonder if I could outrun an NBA Zombie…probably not. Thank God for baseball bats to the knee right? I think I’d be doomed without it.

And maybe I’ll cover some other folks but for tonight…this is as far as I’m willing to go. I can only deal with so many fugly chicks in one night when I’m not being paid.

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I don’t know if I’d drop that kind of dough for an Italia

The Black Masked Mamba just paid for this 458 Italia with one check.

It’s around $329,000.

Man if I had that kind of cash this is NOT the car I would be getting. I guess I’ve never been too crazy for Ferrari’s. To each his own right? Plus if I’m paying 6 digits I want a little more than a V8…

I mean Kobe has a deal with Mercedes so I would’ve gone with that something in that field but I’m biased about that so it can’t be helped.

But jesus christ! This car is supposed to retail for $230,000…someone got the wool pulled over his eyes or maybe he wore his mask to the dealership and all the numbers were skewed at an angle…whatever it is I would not pay another $100k for…what? Options? Hahahaha.

Weird. I guess the next time I see one of these I’ll know who’s behind the wheel. (A tool).

But Kobe already had a Ferrari F430 and the 458 Italia replaced that model so I guess it only fits that he HAS to have both.

The 459 Italia was released in 2009 at the Frankfurt Motor Show. The engine has won multiple awards such as the Best Performance Engine in 2011 and it also gets the most power per liter for a naturally aspirated production car engine.

To be honest I don’t even want to write about the specifics of the car because it doesn’t interest me that much. What? I’m a German car girl. Hahaha. It is what it is.

But do you know what I will write about? The recalls they had for the 458 Italia in 2010.

Why were the being recalled? Because they were spontaneously catching on fire. HAHAHAHA.

What was the problem?

Apparently the adhesive that attaches the heat shield under the rear fenders would become flammable at high temperatures. And seeing how a lot of Ferrari owners are in California or high climate areas that is NOT a good thing. They ended up replacing the adhesive with rivets. What a sad waste of a car right?

Haha. How scary would that be? You go to Rodeo Drive for some shopping and you come back and your Ferrari has caught on fire. Lolz.

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I’m a fat kid…on the inside

Thank god it doesn’t show on the outside! Hahaha.

I usually write about basketball and I probably will again after this post but I haven’t written down what I’ve been doing with my life, just what other people have been doing with theirs so here goes!

My voice is still completely gone though…

Friday I had a day off so I spent it with…Phoebe! We had some QUALITY girl time and we got to talk about a lot of things. She hasn’t really explored LA too much yet so I decided to show her around so I drove basically EVERYWHERE from 4 o’clock on out. I took her to Wackos and it literally BLEW her mind. Didn’t spend TOO much time there because I was hungry so we went to go eat at Umami Burger. FUCK IT WAS GOOD! Well…it’s ALWAYS good. I got to see all the usual people and Scott came in to work while we were eating too!

What did I have to eat…A something Poutine Burger? I don’t know what it was but it was delicious!


Mushrooms + Cheese + Beef Patty + ON A BED OF FUCKING FRIES.
Can I get another one please?
And then Scott brought out this CRAZY dessert!

Two layers of thin oatmeal cookies that were like deep fried with caramel sauce and ice cream on top. I thought I had died and gone to heaven! FUCK it was good…

And then I drove down Laurel Canyon all the way to Studio City which was pretty nice. I bought a new black dress but no pictures yet…sorry. Walked around, talked some more.

Then I drove back to my place and we swapped some clothes, talked, tried to watch some stuff but didn’t really have a chance to because we were talking so much. All in all it was an AWESOME day! It was my first time hanging out with Phoebe but it felt like we had been friends forever! I’m sad it’s not going to happen more often…with me moving and everything. I just hope everyone comes to visit me sometime.

Saturday I went to work. It was busy but I was working a private party so it wasn’t bad at all. I had some…Fat C**** that attended and DIDN’T tip but fuck her.

And then I went out with Setsu. I had a bunch of stuff to give her since I’m moving so it made for a nice opportunity to hang out and talk like old times. I think we’ve known each other … god I don’t even know how many years it’s been. It’s been a LONG time, that’s for sure.

We went to eat Pho because we had both been craving it so it was AWESOME! Syracuse losing wasn’t awesome but I got over it. (No I didn’t). Apparently Amy’s parents drove 4 hours to NC to watch the Kansas game. That’s hardcore. I have faith that they’ll win. Not even sweating it.

After that we went to this place called Yellow House near my house. It’s literally less than a mile from my house and I’ve never been there. UGH…but there’s a good reason why. I hate rude servers. COME ON! I’M FUCKING PAY YOU TO WORK, DON’T TALK BACK TO ME!

Gross. This is what it looks like anyways.

Or the Inside/Outside anyways. The ACTUAL outside is a big yellow house. I’m sorry but it looks gay as fuck. I call it like I see it.

The nurse told me not to have any soda, caffeine, dairy or any of that good stuff but I saw an Almond Roca Latte on the menu so I couldn’t resist! Too bad it sucked donkey balls. It tasted like that stuff you make by adding those coffee packets they have at hotel rooms with hot water, like watered down shit. It was gross. Sorry Setsu. She ended up getting a Shaved Ice with Fruit, which also looked disgusting…ugh fruit. Whoever thought ice + condensed milk + fruit + strawberry ice cream + fruity pebbles was a good idea should be hung.

And they also had smores on the menu so I thought, hey why not?

LOOK WHAT THEY BROUGHT ME!

WHAT? AM I OUT IN THE FOREST? I don’t want to make my own god damn smores AND pay for it! Who do these people think I am? REALLY?

BULLSHIT!

Oh and you know what else happened?

I asked the server for a plate and instead of saying okay do you know what he says?

“Oh that doesn’t come with a plate”.

NO SHIT IT DOESN’T COME WITH A PLATE!

EVEN WHEN YOU’RE OUT CAMPING YOU GET A FUCKIN PAPER PLATE. JESUS CHRIST! WHAT AM I AN ANIMAL? I’M JUST SUPPOSED TO SHOVE IT IN MY MOUTH WHEN IT’S READY AND EAT IT LIKE A SQUIRREL WHO JUST HAS TO STUFF IT IN ITS CHEEK UNTIL LATER? FUCK YOU.

BRING ME A GOD DAMN MOTHAFUCKIN PLATE.

I am NEVER going there again…I’m sticking to my normal cafes.

Setsu and I talked a lot too which was nice. I’m glad I was able to get some more stuff out of my room. It’s so hard to clean! … But I’m getting there…slowly but surely.

Today I just went to work and it was busy as fuck. It’s raining in LA today so once people got seated they just REFUSED to leave…I had people waiting over an hour for a table. Oh well. It is what it is. As long as we made some bank tip today…I’m good. I was also talking with a coworker about going to the Lakers @ Clippers game but it’s so expensive. Ugh…it WOULD be nice to go to one more game this season before I leave and before the playoffs… Mark and I should be back for the Playoffs. Not too sure what’s happening this year because we’re going to Hong Kong but I’m sure we’ll figure something out…

Yay for yearly traditions! Woo! OH YEAH PLAYOFF GAMES HERE I COME!

I’ll figure out if we’re going or not. I still have some time.

Oh and before I end this entry…look what I got for my cousin!

I bought him a Nike JUST DO IT shirt and a hat from the Pop Up Shop at work. Pretty neat right? He’s going to be the coolest kid in 6th grade! Hahaha.

AH THE THUNDER BEAT THE HEAT! I don’t know if I should be happy or sad…

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That’s racist as hell!

I thought I was too tired to write a blog entry today but then I saw this and it’s one thing to nickname Kobe the “Black Mamba” but it’s a WHOLE nother thing if you nickname Jeremy Lin as the “Yellow Mamba”…Really people? Is that okay?

Linsanity. Fine.

Linwhatever. Fine.

YELLOW MAMBA? REALLY? or should I say RI-RI? HARROO!

UGH. I’m okay with Fortune Cookies in my ice cream but this is a little weird…I mean what would Pau Gasol be? The Pale Mamba? Spanish Mamba? Like…what?

I was looking up Black Mamba shirts on ebay to see if there were any cute shirts for my cousin when I came across this. And so I just decided to look up Jeremy Lin shirts on ebay and I got back the WEIRDEST THINGS EVER!

Uh…yeah no.

I don’t even want to look any more.

Knicks finally won a game today. BUT Jeremy Lin had 7 TURNOVERS! SEVEN…Really? Really? But do you know who killed it today? Fuckin Tyson Chandler! 17 rebounds! Holy Shit! The Knicks really do need to work on their free throws though…J.R. Smith is adjusting pretty well save the excessive amounts of personal fouls but that’s nothing new…

Highlights from tonight’s game:

AND OMG SYRACUSE LOST! AHHHHHHHHHH…..COME ON KANSAS!

I was eating Pho tonight watching the game between Ohio State and Syracuse and I was so sad that they lost! UGH! But the Pho made it all better…hahaha

Syracuse was missing those free throws too…but not as many as Ohio State…they made about 31 out of 42 of their free throws….AND STILL THEY WON? Fail.

It sucks because Syracuse had a better shooting percentage overall tonight. Not enough rebounds and too many personal fouls.  A lot of bad calls too. UGH.

Dion Waiters FAIL.

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Lakers Girls > Clippers Spirits

I was talking to Alex about this yesterday and you know what? It’s true. The Lakers girls are SO much hotter AND prettier than the Clipper Spirits.

My opinion doesn’t matter because I’m a girl? Well let me tell you something…Whenever I go to a Lakers game and the Laker girls come on I can’t help but stare. People I go to games with have noticed. You can ask them. What, some of them are hot. I’m not going to lie. But whenever I’m at a Clippers game I feel like I’m at Amateur night at Hooters. Just pass me the chicken wings and get out of my face. Even when they’re out before the game and taking pictures with everyone I’m just so surprised at how much uglier they are in person. Come on, we live in LA…there are SO many hot girls willing to fuck whoever it takes to get this job or ANY job for that matter and you pick THESE girls? COME ON! It’s not like we’re at the Orlando Disneyland THIS IS LA WE’RE TALKING ABOUT!

It’s like someone took all the beauty school drop outs and thought it would be a good idea to just put them all together so they can dance for people. This isn’t a strip club! I could find more fit and attractive dancers in the shadiest of night clubs in LA. Seriously, I swear I’ve seen some of these broads on RuPaul’s Drag race! Hell I think Raven would make a better Clippers cheerleader than half of these girls… I do NOT want girls who look like men to be dancing during timeouts or half times. Hell naw. It’s different if you’re a guy and you just want to get some. Fine, put a paper bag over their head. THAT’S a different story. I’m talking about girls who are supposed to motivate the sports fans into buying merchandise, coming to games and coming early to see them and subsequently spending more money. If THIS is what I have to look forward to by coming early…shit I might as well stay at home.

The outfits they wear are not at all flattering either.

Let’s ALL do the uni-boob and gut stomach look! YEAH! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!

Or the EVER fashionable One Sleeve show as little as possible and still look pug ugly outfits! Yay!

The infamous ghetto look.

Or everyone’s favorite view from behind…

I mean hell! Even Paula Abdul was a Lakers girl!

Lakers Girls keeping it hot since before the 80s. That’s right!

 Yes this is what I think about when I’m at home sick. Hot Lakers girls…Hahahaha.

So let’s just keep it at this:

And this:

And not this: 

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Oh who’s lost 3 games in a row? That’s right THE CLIPPERS!

New LA Team MY ASS!

Hands too close to the crotch bro. Haha.

It sucks having a cold and losing my voice but do you know what IS awesome? The Clippers dropping down to 6th in the Western Conference.

They’ve already lost 9 out of 15 games this month. Ouch.

Chris Paul even lost at his first game home in New Orleans since the trade. That must be painful.

The Hornets had 20 turnovers to the Clippers 11 but what saved them was their high shooting percentages. The Hornets had 5 team members droppin down double digits to the Clippers measly 3. Chris Paul was shooting 5 out of 14 yesterday AND he had 5 personal fouls. Nick Young played more minutes last night at around 30 minutes but he still has a lot to work on. Young made 3 rebounds, 7 points but also had 3 personal fouls and 3 turnovers. Too bad the Clippers don’t have anyone else to use as a starter. Oh well. Not my problem.

But let’s talk about Chris Kaman! He was on FIRE last night against his old teammate! 10 rebounds, 1 assist, 4 block shots and 20 points! He did have 7 turnovers though which he needs to work on.

Blake the highlight Griffin made some slam dunks like normal but I doubt that’s going to get the Clippers very far. One thing it WILL help is the Obese children of America…hmmm $100 to help fight obesity. How would they use that money anyways? Oh yeah…just use that money to pay the people up top and just stop the kids from eating. SMART PLAN! Haha. I’m just jokin. He does donate money but again, THAT does not make him a GREAT player. There were some Clippers in where I work. Too bad I didn’t care enough to do anything about it.

Did I mention Samuel L Jackson was the Guest PA announcer for last night’s game? Hahaha! We should have Jack do all of the PAs for the Lakers!

And AGAIN, CP3 has been performing at 1/5th of his normal capacity. Hahaha. Maybe I should change it to CP0.20! Woo! Randy Foye didn’t help either last night by attempting to shoot 8 3 pointers and only making 1 of them. FAIL. The Clippers shooting percentages have been HORRIBLE lately. Averaging in the mid 30% percentile for Field Goals Made compared to Attempted is really hitting them hard. And Griffin’s been missing way too many easy points by throwing more air balls.

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6th ring before Kobe?

Possibly.

I’m glad Fisher will be with the Thunder and not the Rockets. I can keep an eye on him while I make sure Durant and Westbrook are doing well. Mark said I sound like a mom…I guess I do sometimes huh?

Wouldn’t it be a trip if Fisher got his next ring before Kobe did? Hahaha. I’d LOVE to see that. Yes I love the Lakers but Fisher was my favorite player so I’ll support him wherever he goes. I can wear my OKC Fisher jersey over my Lakers one. Hahaha.

The new number he picked is his age…37. How cute. Awww! My children are all grown up now!

Maybe I SHOULD go to that Lakers vs Thunders game coming up…hmmmm

Let’s see what my paycheck says. Well. I guess I could since I finished school and what not but I always feel awkward going to games where I like both teams. I can’t be myself. I rather stick to a Clippers vs Thunder game. UGH I WENT TO ONE EARLIER THIS SEASON AND THE THUNDER LOST! No one talked shit to me that time though.

Overall…(most times) Clippers fans are nicer than Lakers fans. Except for that one time last week when I went to go see Josh Smith and TMac play. How could you hit on me after you talk smack to me all game long? Forget you. Hahaha.

Yay Fisher! I am so happy for you!

Well the Thunder BETTER beat the Clippers tonight!

What? Foye’s dropping points? Man…that’s whack.

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